Do You Know What I Mean?

I just had a shouting match with Maurie about my ideas on church. Trust me, I know how terrible that sounds and how awful that is - but I am having some trouble getting my point across. Here is where I am right now.

The church should not be meeting in a building. It is quite simply a colossal waste of resources and effort and worry. It is a sea anchor. The church should not be paying people to do what all of us should be doing. I have read the verses that people use to justify payment and even used them myself once - I don't believe they apply anymore. We should not have a preacher, paid to entertain and teach once a week. We should not have divisions in our worship by age. Jesus would not have sent the children away for "Bible Hour" for the Sermon on the Mount (I ripped that example off something I read recently - sorry no reference). No one should be paid to visit the sick and dying. There is more but that's enough about money issues.

The church is a priesthood of believers - not a collection of folks along for the ride while one drives and another navigates. Indeed, we are all called to be priests. Some were not called to be complainers and some to be winers and some to be lazy consumers and some to be - you get the idea. We are the hope of the world - the ones in the pews - not the man behind the lectern.

Then there are the 'ifs' that I must deal with.

If I was sure this was right and...
If my family would not be offended and...
If those I love would join with me,

I would plant a church in my house tomorrow and I think it would prosper and do what the church should be doing. I am not sure what the concept of Institutional church is - I know it sounds bad, but I am not sure of my definition. I don't want to stop being a Christian or stop being associated with a body of believers. I just want to stop trying to convince my neighbors that they should come with me to a building, sit in a pew and watch worship. Instead, I want them to explore their gifts - man or woman - and then put those gifts into service for the Kingdom.

Do you know what I mean?

The Forum Apartments

Mohawk Engine Co. 12 is always a wonderful detail for me. I like the guys, the house is nice and aside from the fact that they always make taco salad when I'm there (I don't love taco salad) it's a great crew.
The tour I write of was no exception. We were busy reading the paper and watching the news as the bells went off. The Tower was reporting an alarm sounding at the Forum on MLK W. Alarm drops are very common in the CFD and so we were not really rushing to get there. In the engine we talked assignments. I was to attempt to silence the panel while others notified the buildings management of the false alarm.
As we pulled in front of the building, I was not dressed for a fire. Bunker pants at my knees, I saw the other roughneck beginning to scramble. He had just heard a resident of the building describe smoke filling the hallway on 5. It was chaos. I pulled up my pants and threw my coat on. My SCBA came next and then I was clamoring out of the engine awaiting instructions - this would be my first high rise fire. Around the other side, Rick was pulling out the high rise pack - clearly designed by someone behind a desk - and we were making for the door. With 150 feet of hose and assorted tools we climbed the stairs.
Once on 5 I started to hook up the hose to the standpipe and Rick made for the hallway in an attempt to locate the apartment on fire. He came back as I was finishing up stating that the fire was just around the corner in the first apartment on the right. Masking up to enable us to breath in the smoke, we made our advance and quickly extinguished the kitchen cabinets. The fire had not advanced too far and come under control with minimal water use. After a search revealed no occupants we headed for the exit, fresh air and a bit of rest. Other companies arrived soon after it became a one-alarm and went to work getting the smoke removed with fans and searching other apartments on the floor.
We found and rescued two dogs - but several of the owner's animals had taken too much smoke and were already dead. Some residence offered their thanks and we were back in time to enjoy that taco salad everyone loves.

It has become about more than just frustration with my tradition; this urging to (I don't want to say escape) embrace more of what should be Kindom living. It is fueled by links to websites where folks have written things like:

Now I'm going to say something harsh: In order to BE the Church, we need to leave the church. In other words, in order to truly become God's people as he intended, we must abandon our cultural version of organizational church. The application of this statement might vary, but it must happen.

Last night we had LifeGroups at my house. I participated in the 5K race in the morning and Maurie and I missed worship with the church. However, I'm not sure I "missed" it at all.

a Church

Where is the easiest place, say, for a man to be spiritual? Maybe, is it hiding behind a big pulpit, dressed up in holy robes, preaching holy words to a faceless crowd and then disappearing into an office? And what is the most difficult, and therefore most meaningful, place for a man to be spiritual? At home, in the presence of his wife and children, where everything he does and says is automatically put through a spiritual litmus test against reality, where hypocrisy can be effectively weeded out and authenticity can grow. Much of Christianity has fled the family, often as a place of its own spiritual defeat, and then has organized artificial performances in sacred buildings far from the atmosphere of real life. As God is in the business of recapturing the homes, the church turns back to its roots, back to where it came from. It literally comes home, completing the circle of Church history at the end of world history.

Typically I won't borrow someone's words to express my own thoughts. But I like what Simson has to say above. As I struggle with "doing church" I have begun my journey to discover church again. I'll try to share with you where this road takes me.

N Edgewood Fire

While detailed to Truck 19 in Corryville, we made a fire on N Edgewood in what we call the Patch. On dispatch there were reports of two women trapped and we hustled to the truck with a bit more purpose. While enroute we were made aware that multiple calls were coming in (a sure sign of a working fire) and that a woman could seen at the window on the second floor. We were first due and as we pulled on to Spring Grove Ave - still a few blocks aways - I could smell the smoke. We talked assingments and I finished getting my gear ready for the search. Lt would have the camera, I carried an axe and a halligan bar.
The fire was bigger than I anticipated and the woman was now on the roof of the porch getting ready to jump. We tried to convince her to wait a bit while we threw a ladder, but she bailed as we made our way to her. Her body landed on the concrete steps of her home, breaking her femur and dislocating her shoulder. She was burned and screaming about her mother still being upstairs. We ensured a Rescue Unit would collect her and moved on.
We forced the locked front door and were confronted with a lot of heat and thick smoke. The camera was a big help with orientation and we made straight for the stairs which had already begun to burn out. Meanwhile, I heard the radio traffic from District 3 as he assumed North Edgewood command and knocked off the second alarm. The jumper was already on the way to UC. The Lt and I were making good progress and we climbed the stairs and started searching rooms. We wasted some time in the hallway bathroom - not knowing exactly where we were. But in a few mintues time, we had the second floor complete, but no victim.
The call came for us to be relieved and Truck 20, Truck 32 and Truck 2 began to search over our ground as we sat in the front yard aiding with hose streams and ladders. My only hope was that we didn't miss her in our search, knowing she was dead if she were still inside.
Some rumors flew through the fireground that she was out and safe. I was relieved and then called back inside to overhaul the fire. We pulled ceilings and walls for a good while and then found her body at the top of the stairs. The plaster had fallen on her and 4 truck companies crawed right over top. It was a mess and my stomach turns as I think about laying the sheet over what remained.
When I went back outside to get some water and take a second, I saw this woman's family accross the street getting the news from D-3 and from the Homicide detectives. I tried to stay focused on the job, but lost it for just a moment. The fire came in about midnight and we were relieved on the scene by U-3 at 0700.
At home that morning, Maurie asked me how my night went, I am not sure what I said.

Out of the Loop

Adam thinks that the blogging community should revoke my ability to blog. It is true, I have been out of the loop for a bit, with reasons I perhaps can share one day.

Much of my life has not changed in the months since I last wrote; same job, house, wife, truck, church, friends - with few exceptions. Not that I could possibly complain, yet I find time for that somedays. Jason and I are cutting lawns for the rich in order to make ourselves more comfortable and share with those around us (in that order). I have taken on much responsibility at the church and now wish I could leave with a good clean break. Work has changed - no more Truck 32. Now, it's Engine 51 in College Hill. Maurie and I are doing well and she is doing extremely well at work. Her organization does a wonderful job showing how much they appreciate her.

I have some low back pain and several different opinions on that. Also on the radar screen in grad school at the University of Cincinnati. I'll keep you updated.

So, welcome back baby. Nothing much to talk about this time - just the rambling you are used to. Be well.

Life Cut Short

Our culture is a bit morbid for my taste. We like to slow down at car wrecks to see the devastation and that stories that will carry the most air time tonight at 11 will be those about death, destruction and loss. We think of Poe as being dark and a bit insane - but he is an excellent reflection of modern day American - at least some days.

Maurie and I are back from a visitation. This is not a word I use each day and I am unsure of its meaning. However, I can guess from context, that it means to stand in a long line, with people you don't know, to talk to the family of someone who has just died. After this most awkward of conversations, you typically view the now lifeless body of a person you knew as a living, laughing, eating, drinking and otherwise spirited human.

Mrs. Kappa's body was not there tonight - at least not where we could see it, and I was as delighted as I could be by this fact. Too many times I have had to look at what I hoped we be the person I knew, only to find that it was not what I remembered. I had not seen Mrs. Kappa for many years - since highschool, and I was content to recall her smile and her walk from my days in her Art classes.

Mike looked good, but Maurie thought he was playing it tough. How is one to act is such a situation? Lots of guys were there from the Department - Mike is a retired District Chief and not consults. And I recognized several from Oak Hills - though I talked with no one. We were quick to be seen and quicker to leave. Maurie was not holding up well and I was not terribly comfortable. For the ride home we talked about our funerals and what we want said and done. Not many decisions were made.

Some of her paintings we displayed at the funeral home. It was a nice touch. She was young - just 54 and talented. She was my teacher and though I hated High School, Art class was a retreat. Mrs. Kappa was a wonderful teacher and those who never got to sit in her class missed out.

I pray she has access to paint brushes.

Our Sister Sodom

Sitting here for a bit trying to think of exactly how to phrase what I have been thinking about, my mind will not ease. Truthfully, it has been a real problem lately. I have too much to think about - I am busier than I care to be and then I hear a convicting lesson on my own lifestyle choices and I find that enough is enough.

When I recall the story of Sodom and Gomorrah I remember that their sin was something very terrible to God. I usually recall the homosexual aspects of the story and am happy to not have a share in that struggle. However, a good man shared a unique perspective on the history of those cities that is as old as the cities themselves. Read on and see if you can pin point the spot where my stomach began to ache and my mind began to race.

44 " 'Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb about you: "Like mother, like daughter." 45 You are a true daughter of your mother, who despised her husband and her children; and you are a true sister of your sisters, who despised their husbands and their children. Your mother was a Hittite and your father an Amorite. 46 Your older sister was Samaria, who lived to the north of you with her daughters; and your younger sister, who lived to the south of you with her daughters, was Sodom. 47 You not only walked in their ways and copied their detestable practices, but in all your ways you soon became more depraved than they. 48 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, your sister Sodom and her daughters never did what you and your daughters have done.

49 " 'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.

Here at the end of the story there is no mention of gays going to eternal hell. Oh, how is wish it could be! Instead I am faced with this harsh reality: God's concern with the poor far outweighs my need to feel safe, my future kids educations, my status in my church, my work and amoung my peers. I prefer the condemnation of those who sins are not my own and I live and die by God's grace and mercy when I realize that I am indeed - arrogant, overfed and unconcerned.

There are no truely worthy poor and God helps us all.

Getting Lost

My family has been attending church for most of my lifetime and sometimes (in fact, most times) I do very little learning on a Sunday morning. But I love to learn and so when I think of something new, or someone presents to me an idea in a way I have never thought of before - I am usually struck and spend some time thinking about said idea.

This morning Dr. Stephen D. Boyd was speaking to the church as he has for decades. He was discoursing about Jesus being lost in the Temple early in the Gospel of Luke. The story is worth reading if you don't know it and probably worth it even if you do. So, we're talking about the story when the idea hits. Steve tells about 120 listening folks that Jesus was not lost when his parents couldn't find him, but that they were lost. He makes reference to Jesus being in the house of God - not terribly original. But then, he draws the story to the end of Jesus' life, where he was dying in Jerusalem and the disciples are feeling a bit sorry for themselves for they have lost Jesus to the cross. When, in fact, they are ones who are lost and Jesus is, again, doing the work of the one who sent him.

Perhaps I am making too much of the simple connection, but I found it rather enlightening.

God is not far from each of us - though we often think that is so.

Back to Work

avondale2
Originally uploaded by joshuahanauer.

After some time off - I won't say much needed - I was back to work last week. I had been in Nashville for my great friend, Barrett Reed's wedding. It ranked topped in my list of weddings I have attended and the week will also go down high on my list of good times had with friends.

At work we didn't make a run all day - nothing, nadda, zip, zilch... and then a 3 Alarm first thing in the morning. If you look close at the picture shown you will see that is Truck 32 working the fire and if you were able to look REALLY close you would see that is me working the pipe on the tip of our ladder. It was the best seat in the house in what turned out to be a vacant building. The zoo actually pushed the rest over later that day and if you buy a zoo pass you can park on it next year - another job well done.

300 Maple

3 Alarm
Originally uploaded by joshuahanauer.

Last night I was participating in a wedding across town from where my crew was working this 3 alarm fire about 2 blocks from our firehouse. My buddy called to say thanks for the trade and the guys called to say I missed another big one. See, this has happened before. I have traded tours for various reasons and missed multi-alarm fires in the past. This one was intense in that there was a smoke explosion inside the building which sent one from my crew to University Hospital.

The wedding was nice enough and I got some compliments on what I said, but it would have been great to go to work on a beautiful Saturday afternoon yesterday. So it goes, there will be others.

Marriage as a Decision - not a Feeling

This summer Maurie and I will attend, participate and otherwise support nine friends as they get married. We have already had some - and showers and parties are fast approaching. We will drive through several states and fly to Europe before it is all over. With all the joining of lives going on around me, I have been very thoughtful of marriage and its meaning in my life. I have been asked to define marriage in one ceremony. Here are my thoughts for that couple.

Definition of Marriage

Everyday of our lives we make decisions. We set our alarms, keep our appointments, juggle our schedules. But there are decisions that are not like the rest. These are the decisions that change our lives forever, these are moments, that years from now, we look back on and know that we were changed. You are I are blessed as we get to witness and participate in a decision made here today by proper noun and proper noun.

There is a war being waged as to the definition of marriage. I suggest to you that, at its most basic level, marriage is a decision - it is a promise. I am a man who believes in God and who thinks that God created marriage for us to enjoy. I also believe that marriage is the foundation of the family. But I also know about making good and bad decisions and the power of keeping and of breaking promises.

When you were little did you ever pinky swear? Have you ever spoken words of anger inorder to convince someone that were indeed telling the truth? Tonight's ceremony will not involve pinkies or swearing of anykind, but it will involve promises - promises easily made, but not so easily kept.

Today you will promise to trust each other in all things. And you will promise to be trustworthy as well. You will decide tonight, that no matter how you feel, you will support one another - you will choose to love one another. As children, we think of love only as a feeling. As we age, we had better look at love as a decision made and a promise kept. There may come a day when your feelings would have you leave and your own selfish desire would chose to walk away. But here today your decision has been made and you have chosen to bind yourself to the other. Long after this ceremony is over, you will have to contine to make that decision. Marriage is often described as the hardest relationship you will ever have - with work, it is also the most fulfilling.

Missing Church

Have you even seen "Office Space"? Funny movie. At one point, while being interviewed about what he does for Inatech - our main character is told that he has been "missing a lot of work lately". He replies, "I wouldn't say I've been missing it Bob." They share a laugh and move on.

A friend from Drill School called two days ago. We are actually neighbors - he bought a house two streets down from mine. Anyway, he asked if I was working my off day, because he is bored out of his mind. Then, as if he were confessing to me, he told me he had been trying some local churches out. Mind you, this guys is not exactly what you think of when you think of a single guy going to church, but I think it was a moment for him to reach out. I told him what time we started worship at Central and he said he would be there - not this week with work, but next.

Breakfast and Bolivia

Yesterday I was in Columbus climbing on OSU's campus for the first time in a long time. It was a humbling experience and Maurie tried to convince me that this was a good thing. Once-upon-a-time I was a good climber. 3 out of 4 weekends were spent at local walls and weekdays spent at a gym working out the details. However, time and any number of other factors have taken their toll and I am no more what I once was. It is one of my first glaces at change for the worse in my life, and I don't like it one bit. I have decided to fight back.

This morning I had breakfast with a good friend. We talked work and school and church and family. We both thought we should do it again and I think we actually will.

Maurie's brother is going to Bolivia in May to spend 24 months in the Peace Corps. Selfishly, I look forward to a trip to visit. We will work out the details later. Kelly week this week and much to be done around the house. Red River Gorge in less than 3 weeks and I will be expected to lead all the routes - not sure I could do it as I stand today - much work to be done.

Be Mine

Yesterday I learned to snowboard with some friends from work. We headed out to our little ski spot, took a $5 lesson and spent the next 4 hours struggling to do the most basic of things - stand up. Learning something new intrigues me a great deal. I wrap myself in the experience - watching from a distance as I pick up small pieces and slowly form the puzzle. Today I have a huge, multi-color bruise on my backside and a bit of a headache. But on one of my final runs, I reached the bottom without a fall - ah, success!

Saturday was a busy day on Ambulance Nine and Sunday was class and worship with the church. The class was nice enough - wisdom from Proverbs 2. I can't say I was challenged in anyway - or even that I learned anything, but it was fine. Worship then was a flurry of activity. Songs sung, prayers prayed and then I had the little kiddies downstairs in Bible Hour. These guys are smart and I hope I was able to share something with them that might last a moment or two.

Today I went downtown to work out with the new recruit class. The guys I went snowboarding with, they came as well. We walked around our old drill yard and laughed remembering good times and bad. We ran the stairs with the recruits and ran the streets as well. Afterwards, I headed home to a nice nap and some time working on my house.

I am still trying to get comfortable with the fact that my life will not be what I once thought it might be. I am not even sure I could explain that last sentence - but it is full of truth. For now, I am leaving that alone.

Maurie and I are working our way through the Bible together - aloud. Numbers 9 here we come! "Spell Check Complete - No Errors Found" Nice.

Our Wonderfully Normal Life

snowshoe
Originally uploaded by joshuahanauer.

Maurie and I are fresh back from Snowshoe, WV after having celebrated four years of marriage. We decided we would return - it is a beautiful place.

Yesterday was work and 24 hours spent on Ambulance 9. We had cars wrecks, tummies that hurt, multiple gunshot wounds and swollen feet - just to name a few. Usually after a tour on a "box" I need a day to recover; here I find myself.

Work has begun on the upstairs bedroom. I am tearing out carpet and getting things ready to paint. Work has also been restarted on the spiritual life of my family. We are tearing out the old ways and getting this ready for God to take control again. My feelings on church have reached an all time low. I am hanging in there - but finding it tougher than ever to sit in the pew and watch.

Reading some Hauerwas and loving it. Adam was good to me this Christmas. Learning some David Gray songs on the guitar and thinking about the concert - Maurie was good to me for my birthday. Jason and I sold Leona - finally. We will be happy to start anew.

Praying for Vitaly, my LifeGroup, mom and when to start having little Hanauers. Thanks for listening in.

the Bermuda Triangle

What is going on off the eastern seaboard of these United States? We used to hear about it all the time and now the news seems to have faded into the background of the War on Terror, Iran's nuclear pursuits and the latest version of C.S.I. - I think the next one is coming to Cheviot. "C.S.I. Cheviot - these are their stories."
Why do events and places come and go so quickly in our lives? Do we forget that easily? Are we that gullible? After all, the Bermuda Triangle has claimed many a ship and many a plane and yet I do not see any recent, top-notched investigative reporting being done. Where are these vessels and the souls that piloted them? Should I be content to sit in my middle-class home while some have lost loved ones to the sea in an hereforto unexplained plot of ocean that seems to eat large pieces of metal?
I am preaching on 8 January and am trying to clear my head - sorry I shared what was inside.

Difficult to Type

staple_gun
Originally uploaded by joshuahanauer.

Hello World, This morning at about 10 a.m. I shot a staple into my left hand using the PowerShot stapler you see here. Notice the arrow in the lower left hand corner - you guessed it, that is where the staples eject out at about 9,000 mph! I thought this gun was like every other staple gun in the world and I was wrong. After noticing my mistake - the pain was hard to miss. I had to remove the staple that was buried in my hand. I could not grab it, so I had to force a flathead screwdriver underneath of it to get some purchase. So, that's my morning. With my hand wrapped in gause and the smile far from my face - I am staple gun saftey man. No joke!

Legacy

We buried my grandmother this morning. Dad's mom lived to 83 and died after suffering a heart attack almost three weeks ago. It has been, over the years and in the last days, a time of mixed emotions. Perhaps it has always been hardest on dad. In an attempt to protect himself and his family he had to release any relationship he could have had with his own mother - I can't even imagine.

I am not too aware of the details of his childhood - not even sure he ever had one. He has shared memories of Michigan and I've seen pictures, but I don't know much of his life before he met mom and had three boys. I have always suspected that he had to grow up before his time. However, I know this - my father has started a new Legacy with the life he is leading, the kids he raised and the woman he has stood by. My parent's love and support have far outweighed any shortcomings that anyone may point out in their parenting.

Now the grandchildren of Ethel Hanauer are all grown and have careers to be proud of, beautiful wives to take care of and children of their own to watch after. We will continue the young legacy that begins with our dad. We will share wonderful childhood memories and watch our kids make their own with their grandparents - mom and dad. The Hanauers are a formidable family - not one to be messed with. We will carry on a tradition of love and faith and unity far beyond my years. We will do this, because that is what a legacy is all about.

And you get a lion's share of the credit - dad. I love you.

32

32
Originally uploaded by joshuahanauer.

This was the scene on the two-alarm fire I made this morning with Truck 32. We were already out at 0625 when the call came in for a fire with victims trapped on the second floor. Leaving the salvage run we were on, we blasted down MLK Dr to find the picture above. Truckers had already pulled a woman from the roof and were heading inside to find her son. Mark and I prepped to shoot the roof and cut a hole which would vent the heat and smoke. With chain saw in hand, I was ordered off the turntable and to the District Car to run accountability. I dropped the saw and got no closer to the fire than what you see on the screen.

I was told later, after Unit 3 relieved us on the scene that this is part of the job. Sometimes you are pulling victims out just in time, other times you are watching. I am going to try and not let it ruin an otherwise beautiful day here in Cincinnati.

The son will be fine, he was taken by Rescue 14 to The University Hospital and is listed as stable. He mother was treated for smoke inhalation and met up with her son with the help of the Salvation Army. No firefighters were hurt.